artykins

Sunshine, won't you be my lover?
Sunshine, come and help me see
My heart is darker than these oceans
My heart is frozen underneath

We are crooked souls
Trying to stay up straight
Dry eyes
In the pouring rain

Well, the shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow
Proves
The sunshine

Too scared
Better run away
Hold fast to the break of day
Where shadow proves the sunshine

I'm a crooked soul
Trying to stay up straight
In a place
Where shadows prove the sunshine

Oh Lord, you've said you'll not forsake me
Oh Lord, you've said you'll not go away
When storm clouds gather in beside me 
Your sunshine over me 

Crooked souls trying to stand up straight
In a place where darkness reigns
Shine on me
Let my shadows prove Your sunshine 

Remember me when days are gone
In nights
Cold

Remember the feeling you felt
When he uttered those few words
Few, simple words

Remember the feeling you felt inside
Like a door opening
Like a breath released

It was a breath you didn't realize you'd been holding
It was beautiful
Stirring

Remember the contentedness
The fulfillment of hearing words
You didn't realize you'd been waiting for

Remember me when days are gone
When nighttime beckons
Moonlight, fond

Remember me in bad times to come
That someone wants you
That this is true

See me through the angry haze
This feeing for the one you chose
For all your days

Remember me in sad times too
Find comfort in me
And search for reminders

Remember to find absolute comfort in his arms
It's where you've been
From the start

Remember me when times are good
To build upon this love
With new stones made of unbreakable bonds

Promise me you won't forget
In any time to come
I'm there, inside you, never gone

So remember me anon

Who says dreams don't come true?

We're going to Hawaii.  We bought our tickets on Saturday.  We'll be going with Diana, Uncle Benny, my grandmother and Aunt Addie (Diana's mom).  We did it all at Diana's apartment and celebrated our purchase with a trip to the farmer's market across the street from where she lives.  We got kettle corn and the world's most delicious oranges.  I ate four of them in 24 hours.  And then I was sad because that's all I had bought, so next week Uncle Benny has instructions to buy me a heap of them.

I also faffed around with some ringtones yesterday.  I opened up garage band and had fun making my own for some people.  Jeff got a switch.  He had Sweet Child O' Mine but got switched out to the theme from Flash Gordon.  Diana got Aloha Friday.  But by far my favorite ringtone creation is the one I made for Alfenstein.  He got I Feel Pretty from West Side Story and he heard it last night for the first time and was horrified.  It was pretty great.  I had a good night.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you all that I'm going to Hawaii in August!  Right now, though, my computer battery life is dwindling near dead and it's Memorial Day, so I'm off to the house with Matt for some grilled meat and other good eats.

More details will follow.

- Arty

Last night Matt and I had carnitas tacos for dinner. I had made some loin of pork pig candy earlier this week, but I made a lot of it so it could pull double duty for a couple dinners this week. Last night the last of the pig candy was used as filling for tacos inside delicious corn tortillas. And it was tasty! Dinner was really good and Matt had four (or so) tacos before he sat back, looked at me and smiled. I knew then that he had enjoyed it.

Still, I don't think I'll be doing carnitas tacos again anytime soon, despite the deliciousness of them, because both Matt and I had weird ass dreams last night. I don't know what his dreams were about, but mine were all sorts of small vignettes that had reoccuring elements in them. For instance, there was a house in all of them and it happened to be the same house in all but one of them. And while I can't remember the details of the dreams (i.e. the sequence in which they happened or the complete thread of what happened in them), certain things remain in my mind:

- Matt and I were near the ocean for some reason. I want to say we were there doing marine biologist stuff, but I'm not certain. There was a little house in a clearing in a wood that was on a bluff not too far from the beach. It was grassy all around the house and the trees were tall and dark.

- I was in the ocean in relatively shallow water, near some big dark rocks. I remember they looked volcanic. But I was near the tidepools with a magnifying glass (of all things!) examing sealife.

- My mom and brothers were with me and Matt on vacation in the same little house in the clearing in the wood. Only this time, some kind of psychopath criminal was on the loose and in the house somewhere and we were all trying to find him. Funnily enough, I knew in my dream that he wouldn't hurt us, but we still had to find him and turn him over to the men in white lab coats for observation and quite possibly a new fitted white dinner jacket.

- Matt and I were home, except it was the house I grew up in and our room was where my room used to be, upstairs at the back of the house. I remember standing near my side of the bed, rubbing lotion into my arms because we had just come from the seaside and I was all dry from the wind. But then, I decided rubbing salt into my skin with my lotion would be a good thing (perhaps because I have a grapefruit salt scrub in the shower that I use every now and again).

Anyway, the salt somehow began to look like the sparkle dust you buy at halloween for costumes. You know, the stuff that's super expensive for only a little bit? So I told Matt I was going to go to the bathroom before I crawled into bed and as I was on my way there, I remember thinking, 'I'll have to tell my mom about this so we can use this instead of buying all that sparkle dust at halloween this year right before I woke up.

I was like...wow...those were some really freaking weird dreams. And then I got up and showered, said goodbye to Matt before he left and ate my breakfast. So now I sit here at work, recalling all my strange dreams from last night and wondering what exactly about those carnitas tacos induced them. They work just as well as acid or LSD in terms of creating a hallucination-like setting. The only thing missing from my dreams was a big zipper in the sky that could open and close at will and let a puma in and out of my dreams to scamper to and fro.

It's Friday, people! This is something I'm super excited about. Monday is Memorial Day, so most people have a day off of work, myself included. My favorite guy and I are going to be doing something, although we're not sure what that something is yet. We might go bum around the city and walk all through North Beach and Chinatown and the Embarcadero. We might head over to Golden Gate Park. There's a new museum there: The Academy of Science, which is actually a fairly new opening. It used to be in the city, but then it closed and they rebuilt a state of the art building for it and preserved a ton of the old academy and incorporated it into the new one. I'm anxious to see it. Then again, there's the actual Golden Gate Bridge, Muir Woods, Ocean Beach, Pacifica, etc. We have our pick of things to do!

Tomorrow night is the baseball game against the Diamondbacks. I love ball games. There's something about being at one that's unlike anything else you can experience. I'm not sure if it's the sights, the sounds, the game itself or being with a large number of people that are loyal and want to see their guys win, but I love it. I'll be going with Matt, Jeff, Jeremy, Uncle Benny and possibly Diana. There's a whole saga behind that last ticket.

First, the ticket was meant for Heather, Jeremy's lady friend, but Heather has plans. Next it was going to go to Jed, Jeremy's best friend, but Jed has plans. Then it was supposed to go to Chrissy, Jeff's totally awesome lady friend whom I love dearly, but she has plans for tomorrow night too! Then the ticket was set aside for Barley, one of Jeremy's friends from school (yes, I know...his mama named him Barley...I'm not sure I get it either, but Barley is a cool kid), but Barley is going to Ohio this weekend for God knows what. It's Ohio. There's corn, chickens and cows there. Not much else, so why he's going escapes me.

So now we're stuck with an extra ticket, trying to find someone who isn't going to feel awkward with us because they don't know us too well. So Diana is the next call because she's a cousin and knows all our quirks and fits right in with us. Plus, Diana is one of the funniest people I know, so I always enjoy hanging out with her. If she can't make it, I'm out of ideas. I'm sure Jeff and Jeremy can offer a few suggestions for someone, but I'm not fond of some of their friends (especially Jeff's) so I have executive authority over the decision of who comes and who doesn't.

I really hope Diana is free to come.

Tomorrow morning I'll get to see her anyway because Matt and I are meeting up with her and Uncle Benny for breakfast to discuss plans for our upcoming trip to Hawaii. I wrote to her the other day to see when she was free to meet and happened to ask a bunch of questions about the trip. She responded that she and Ben (who's her cousin and my uncle, which technically makes Diana my second cousin, but who really cares?) had definitely picked the right person to travel with because apparently I pay attention to the important details that need some time spent with them.

I'm really excited about this trip to Hawaii we're planning. It's gonna be a lot of fun. Really, the only hurdle I'm concerned about is whether or not the viejos (my great uncle and great aunt, technically speaking, who are Diana's parents) will be going or not. They haven't decided yet and I'm kind of anxious for them to say yes or no so we can get on with planning the rest of the trip. Planning is kind of contingent on them because if they don't go, we can get by with renting a car and renting a smaller house for just the four of us (Alfenstein won't be coming, so he's officially been dubbed Lord Douchebag by me until he redeems himself through measures which I shall dictate and terms that have yet to be determined).

I'm not really sure what to expect from Hawaii, except I know I want a lei and something to remember the trip by.

Okay, well today is a short day at work. Science fair was last night and we normally give the kids a half day the day after stuff like that, so most likely it'll be a short day for the staff too. I'm fairly certain Gus will announce over the intercom that everyone should go home early and enjoy their weekend. And the kids leave in a couple hours, so I should really get back to work and do a few things before they leave.

- Arty

So I haven't blogged for a while, which is something I mean to correct right now.  This week has moved right along, although I seem to be a day ahead in my mind because on Tuesday, I started feeling like it was Wednesday and yesterday I kept thinking it was Thursday and this morning I got to work and thought, for a brief, fleeting moment that it was Friday.  But then I was sad when I remembered it was only Thursday.  And then I was happy again because I remembered that tomorrow is a half day.

You see, tonight is Science Fair night where I work as well as open house, which is a night when parents come to see all the stuff that the kids have done throughout the year.  The kids have been busy all week getting their science projects finished and putting folders of their best work together to show off to their parents.  It's been kind of fun to watch.

My co-worker, Stacey, is hooking me up in terms of getting together some names of great local places to eat and visit when Matt and I go to Hawaii in August.  Her family is actually from there and one of her sisters lives and works at a prawn farm on Oahu, so Stacey was going to call her and ask if she knew of anyone who wanted to rent a house out.  Stacey also said that her sister would hook us up with some shrimp if we wanted it.  And I thought 'hot damn, that's amazing!'  So needless to say, if everything comes to fruition, we'll be getting some nice thank you stuff for Stacey and her family on Oahu.

Stacey also has a dog that I'm growing rather fond of.  His name is Eli and he's a tiny little thing that barks and runs away from you, but in dealing with Stacey every so often, he's getting used to me.  He's stopped barking at me as soon as he sees me and will happily lick my hand when I offer it to him.  He also will happily play with me.  He's got a monkey with long arms and long legs, so he'll get one end and I'll get the other and we'll have a tug-o-war until I give up, exhaused with the effort of so much work, and Eli will give the monkey a few good shakes to make sure it's thoroughly dead and then drop it triumphantly at his feet and look up to me for some praise.

Last night was bible study night, but it was kind of new this week because we started a ten week study on marriage.  It was also different because it took place at someone's house, not the church.

The basis of last night's discussion was admitting that I am the biggest problem in my marriage.  It was an interesting notion.  I mean, it makes sense when you really think about it and I think it makes sense when applied to yourself in general.  For me, things started clicking and connecting in my brain.

Why do I get irritated when Matt doesn't help me put the laundry away? It's because on some level, some degree of selfishness is kicking in because I seem to think that because I would think about putting stuff away, Matt should think the same way.  And I know full well that Matt and I think differently.  Men and women think different full stop, so my irritation is really my own fault because I expect something of him because I expect it of myself and he's not reciprocating it.

There was also the idea batted around that if two people agree to counseling and, when asked the question of what's the biggest problem in this relationship, and answer the other person's name, then the counseling session is over.  There's nothing the counselor can do because you've already reached a point where you're blind to your own inadequacies, so blind, that you'll never be convinced otherwise.  The key is to admit that you, yourself (in my case, I) am/are the biggest problem in your marriage.

I felt like a little door opened and I little ray of sunlight broke through the darkness in my head and something started to grow.  I'm not sure if it's an idea, a realization or an argument, but most likely I feel as if it's a realization.  Like someone has finally put something I've known all along into words that make sense to me.  Or like something that doesn't translate from Spanish to English, but you simply have an understanding of what the word or concept is in Spanish and that's the only way you understand it.

We also talked about how the realization of being the biggest problem in your relationship affects you.  I felt a connection to a woman, whom I'm not familiar with, because she said that she knows her spiritual gift is service to other people.  The problem is, while you might know your gift is service and while you enjoy doing things of that nature, you would still like to be thanked for things that you do.  And it's a catch 22 because you don't do it FOR the recognition, but a part of you wants to be recognized anyway for the work and efforts you do.

In terms of irritation/anger towards the second half of your relationship equation, in addition to being the worst part of the equation, I also feel as though the past or the future have a great deal of hold on how I react with certain situations.  I get irritated mostly because someone doesn't do things the way I'd do them and I can't understand why.  It's that way because I'm selfish and expect too much of someone who isn't me.  I get angry when things don't go my way because I'm selfish and want things the way I want them.

It makes sense that I'm the biggest problem in my marriage.

Just making sense of what that means and what I should now do with the new light in my brain is another story.

I was pondering the saying of 'there's nothing that comes out of drunk's mouth that wasn't already there to begin with' for a while last night in bed.  We all know that liquor loosens the tongue of anyone, but there's nothing that person says that wasn't already in his heart.  Luke 6:43 states that clearly.  A good tree does not bear good fruit because good fruit cannot be in it.  Nothing that a person says is something that isn't already in his heart, so when you say something hurtful to someone else, it's incorrect to say 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.'  It's more correct to say 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to let that slip out.'

It makes me wonder about people sometimes, myself included.  It makes the practice of covering ourselves up with pretty things seem so futile because in reality, what we're doing is taking a tree that bears bad fruit and simply nailing good fruit to it, fruit that will be pretty for a day before it starts to rot and wither and die.  And then you're left with what was there before.  An ugly, withering, futile tree that provides nothing worthwhile.

It's a sobering thought.

It opens the door to consider a plethora of other things, my reactions to people around me, not just my husband.  How I react to other people is the marker of what kind of tree I am, and if I'm honest with myself, I'd have to say I'm a tree on its way out.  My reactions are, more often than not, graceless and cold, but with the all sufficient power and boundless grace of God, I can be a tree that bears good fruit.  And if I had to choose, I'd be an avocado tree.

So now the part I need to play is to pray each day (perhaps more than once) that God would bestow upon me the grace I need, the love I should show and the wherewithal to know what it is I should do in my marriage and in my interactions with everyone else.  I'll pray that I'll get a little taste each day of what it's like to bear good fruit in my life for the glory of God.

That is my hope and prayer today.

What kind of tree are you?

- Arty

Today was an interesting day.

I started off my day meeting my dad at church.  Every so often there are men's breakfasts and my dad will normally go to them and help set things up (i.e. make coffee, unlock chains for parking lots, etc.).  I called him yesterday afternoon, though, and asked him if he'd like to go out to breakfast.  My dad is a notoriously early riser and I've been missing my talks with him, so I figured I should make the effort to meet him once in a while for breakfast.  So anyway, I met my dad and church and picked him up, so to speak.

Today's port of call was Arizmendi's, a small co-op bakery near the lake that turns out some seriously good breads.  I had a brioche knot with a big cup of green tea and my dad had a cup of coffee with a sweet sallie and a cheese roll.  I'll admit that I stole a few bites of the cheese roll.

After breakfast, we drove by the lake and down to the west part of town, which is where the rail yards and docklands are.  Apparently, there used to be a place, just across from the navy base, that would roll people and freight in on trains and they would load ferries there to take them all to San Francisco.  Well, the place still exists, except its been turned into a park with loads of cool photos documenting the history of the area.

There was a group of Army Reserves there when we arrived running their mile test.  Every six months, the Reserves are required to take a mandatory PFT (Physical Fitness Test) and run two miles in twelve minutes or something of that nature.  Me, being the jar head daughter that I am, offered to go make fun of them, which pleased my dad because he knew I was rooting for him even if I didn't mean it about actually teasing those guys.  My dad, being my dad though, stopped to talk to a few of them as we got back to our car.  It helped that some of them were sitting right near it on the curb.

They chatted and talked about what their requirements are versus the requirements of the Marine Corps (they had to run three miles in twenty-one minutes...seven minute miles in full on military gear and boots!).  And then we were on our way to another part of the park to look at more photos and more history.  But my dad, being my dad, mentioned that he forgot to thank the soldiers he talked to for their service to their country.  I didn't say anything at the time, but I felt a rush of affection for my dad at that moment because he's simply a decent human being.  I count myself extraordinarily lucky to have him as my dad and to call him my friend.

Anyway, after we had our fill of history and wandering around, we were off to Jack London Square to bum around and see what was going on.  We ducked into the world market for some tea and then meandered back to the church where I dropped my dad off and came back home to get Matt.  After collecting him, we were off to the house to collect my mom and grandma.  Last weekend was Mother's Day and we told them both that we'd take them to San Rafael for some Sol Food.

Sol Food is a little Puerto Rican eatery in downtown San Rafael and I'm not gonna lie to you...it was damn tasty.  I wanted one of everything on the menu, more or less, but I settled for a bistec sandwich and some fried plantain (the sweet ones instead of the green ones today).  I also had the world's greatest limeade.  Well, Matt had it, but I tasted it.  I had an iced tea that was really good and that I'm going to try and replicate someday soon.

Home again, home again we came after thoroughly stuffing our faces and I finished up some laundry.  It was sheet/white day, so this morning we stripped the bed, got all our towels and white clothes together and washed the daylights out of them, which we do weekly.  Speaking of bed, apparently that bed bug has made a stunning resurgence in the states.  WTF?!  What the heck is THAT about?!  As if my compulsive tendencies didn't make me a clean freak already, now I have this to know!

Ugh!

I had to go to the pharmacy downtown today to pick up in inhaler.  My asthma is really bothering me this week and I haven't had issues with my asthma since I was in college, so a few years now.  So I'm back on albuterol, the foul-tasting glorious medicine that I now have tucked away in my purse.  And downtown is always exciting.  I get to see all manner of strange and lovely people.  Like the woman who pressed the elevator button, waited all of two seconds and then exited the corridor before it came.  That was an interesting moment.

Matt and I made a quick stop at the store to get some milk and cleaning products.  We're running low on laundry detergent and colorfast bleach, but also we had no milk in the house, which is remarkable.  There's always milk.  We came home and Matt attacked the bathroom with bleach and a coarse brush because I have an inkling that the dampness in there encouraged some kind of mold or mildew (perhaps both) spores to flourish.  So now every window in the flat is open and we have all our fans going to air the place out.

And as I get to this point, I think I'll call it quits and go shower as quickly as I can before hopping into a clean bed with fresh sheets!  There's no greater joy in any night than that.  Well...there's one other that I can think of, but I won't go into that.  For now, I'm very much looking forward to fresh sheets and pillows that have spent the day airing out.

- Arty

So Jeremy has been sick all week with some sort of viral nasty that's rendered him homebound.  I was talking to him last night online and he was explaining to me how stir crazy he's going, but somewhere during the conversation we started talking about names for my future children.  I can't recall the exact conversation, but it went something like this:

Arty: I really like the name Chloe for a girl.

Jeremy: Chloe is a nice name.  What about a son?

Arty: Yeah, I'll have one of those.

Jeremy: Name him Testicles.

Arty: ...

Jeremy: And his brother, Scrotumus Maximus.

Arty: I'm not naming my sons those things!

Jeremy: That would be amazing!  What are you talking about?!

Arty: I like the name Christopher.

Jeremy: Boring.  Name him Testicles!

Arty: NO!

Jeremy: You know you want to.

Arty: I really don't.

My brothers are constantly making me laugh.  I love 'em for it too!

My hands have kind of gotten used to a state of perpetual dryness.  I wash my hands very frequently at work and at home while I'm cooking, but I don't always moisturize.  I don't like the lotion at work.  We order Lubriderm, which I find much to greasy.  The stuff I use at home is vegetable-based.  It's made out of carrots and melon and other antioxidant fruits and veggies.  I love that stuff.  If I could bathe in it, I would, but I relish the time I spend afterwards just applying it to my legs and arms.  Say yes to carrots!

I found myself inexplicably pondering the life of a squirrel this morning as I was walking to work.  He (or she, I'm not really sure, but we'll name it Alistaire) was eating a nut.  As squirrels tend to do.  And I found myself wondering how Alistaires life would end, whether he'd be hit by a car or die of old age.  I thought this because earlier this week there was a dead squirrel in the courtyard and I mourned for it.  I thought of Fred and what happened to her.  And strangely enough, I found myself praying that Alistaire would live a full life doing whatever it is that squirrels do.

On a happier note, I'm going to a baseball game next weekend.  Woo!  The hometeam is playing the Arizona Diamondbacks, who a few years ago won the World Series against the Yankees.  And the world rejoiced that the Yankees lost.  So a small part of me has an affection for the Diamondbacks.  I'm not sure how that'll hold up against my loyalty to the A's, though.  We'll see.

Despite this, though, the game will be a fireworks game, which means that after the ninth inning is called, people from all tiers of the stadium will flood the field to watch the sparklies.  We're going to stay in our seats.  There's no reason to go field level when we have second tier seats more or less behind homeplate.  Of course, the last fireworks game we went to, Jeff's life was apparently made complete when they did a tribute to the 80s for music and ended the show with 'Sweet Child 'o Mine.'  I'm pretty sure he wet himself when he heard that music start.

Of course, that game was made special because after attempting to get field level, we gave up (due to the gross amount of rowdy peoples) and went in search of Mr. Branagh.  I'm sure I've mentioned him before.  He's a dear and delightful old codger that has a very special place in my heart.  He was the custodian at my elementary school when I was there and now he stays active by coming back to the same school each day to do yard duty.  It was while he was working there and while I was working in the library that we struck up a strong friendship.

Granted, our friendship revolves around giving each other grief,  but deep down, I love him and I know he loves me.  If I ever doubt that (not that I will) I'll just pull out the Waterford champagne flutes he gave us as a wedding gift to use when we made our toasts.  He's amazingly good people.  Cranky, but amazing.

Come to think of it, I haven't seen him in a while.  I should fix that.

I was approved for two weeks off in late August!  Woo!  If all goes according to plan, Matt and I will be hopping a plane to Hawaii with  Uncle Benny, Diana and possibly her viejos (old people, which in this case refers to her parents).  Alf is also in the mix as far as going, but we're not entirely sure he'll be going.  He's been travelling back and forth to Europe for his job and he doesn't know if he'll be in Germany, France or London in August, but he's finidng out.  Hawaii with Alfenstein would be awesome.

Alright, that's enough for this morning.  If anything eventful happens today, I'll let you know later on!

- Arty

Horae rises
Ancient day
Light and sound
Come forth to play
My life each day
Begins with you
When you talk to me like lovers do

At́e and Athena
Constantly fight
But Athena wins over
Because of her might
I’m not prone to mischief
Except when with you
Either way, you talk to me like lovers do

Pollux and Castor
Two brothers undone
One was born mortal
The other of the sun
They shared life and death
As you share all of you
And you talk to me like lovers do

Calypso
The maelstrom
The moody dark seas
My mind wanders freely
In the privacy of shared life to find its appease
And at times I know I don’t deserve you
Still, you talk to me as lovers do

Cybele the sentry
She has guarded the ways
Of many a stranger
Through many long days
Defender of fortresses far gone and away
May the fortress we’ve built out of me and of you
Be kept by talking as lovers do

Hemera the keeper
Of daylight warm
May the sun never set
On a situation forlorn
May our lives be a beam
Of faithfulness and truth
Led by talking together as lovers do

Momus
The guardian of words through the ages
The ones of antiquity
Written lost language
He’s the keeper of tales
Both harmful and true
But not when we speak as lovers do

Nike the goddess
Bringer of triumph and victory
The ones shared and secret
To some still a mystery
I find my crown
My full joy in you
So keep talking to me like lovers do

Nyx and Selene
Two peas in one pod
One spread her cloak of darkness abroad
The other spreads light
Much softer
More blue
Complete happiness found as we speak like lovers do

Okay, so I just had to blog quickly to say that the Discovery Channel series 'When We Left Earth' is absolutely and utterly amazing.  RUN to go see it!

- Arty

So somewhere between laundry, drinks on Friday night, the boys telling me that they're thinking of naming their production company 'scrotumus maximus' and today, I spent the day with my mother and her mother before her.  It was Mother's Day yesterday here in the states.  I know the UK has its Mother's Day at a different time, but yesterday was the day here.

We initially planned on going out for Chinese food, but the place was PACKED.  I don't think I've ever seen it that busy there and while I was bummed that we actually didn't end up going there, I was really glad to see it so busy.  You see, La Piñata (a great little Mexican food dive) moved into the space next door to said yummy Chinese food.  The last few times Matt and I have gone out for Chinese, whether we eat it there or do take-out, La Piñata has been hopping and barely anyone is in the Chinese food place.  And this Chinese food is the best I've ever had.  It's muy delicioso and it's my favorite place to go, so while the prospect of yummy food was never really in jeopardy yesterday, it was good to see that the place was so busy.

I say 'harumph!' to that.

Yesterday was a good day all around.  Got up, went to church with Matt (where there were a surprising number of people gone), went to the house, did some laundry, went out to lunch, went back to the house, did more laundry and then I slept while everyone else played games.  I was seriously tired.  Eventually, Matt came to wake me up, he finished folding the laundry and we more or less hung around a little longer before packing up and coming home.

Other stuff has been going on as well.  For instance, my thesis is open and sitting on my screen behind my Safari window because I'm going to start re-reading it to get a feel for Penelope's voice again.

Matt and I are looking at buying a house by year's end.  We can do it financially, but I would covet your prayers for wisdom in the process, for the right house to be open to us and for the whole thing to more or less go smoothly.  I'm not sure I'd like a turn-key house (although that would be spectacular, I'll admit) because I kind of like the idea of doing some kind of work in a house.  It makes it more your own somehow.  Of course, even in a turn-key house, I'd probably paint certain things.  I'm just hoping the kitchen is big and has nicer appliances than the one we have now.  I mean, come on...three times our fridge has up and died on us.  Three.  That's ridiculous.

I actually had appliance lust yesterday.  Jeff was housesitting for Geoff (yeah, go figure).  He lives in a little condo and his kitchen is seriously lust-worthy.  Stainless steel appliances, lots of storage, nice cabinets.  I think I was also offended because in Geoff's fridge...his beautiful, amazing fridge, lives only cheese and yogurt.  That's it.  I would have all manner of good stuff in there!

I haven't been feeling too hot as of late, so I'm home today resting and doing some minor cleaning.  The coat closet in the dining room needs some attention.  I've already sprayed the shower with vinegar to eat away at the grout and the stuff on the shower curtain, so I'll be going in a little while to rinse that off.  I plan on using some of my time to write as well.

Lastly, I've been feeling assaulted a little lately.  Not that I really care.  The assault is coming from a person who blames me for things that I have absolutely no hand in.  It's hard to have sympathy or care when I know I've done nothing wrong.  They seem to be angry with me just because I'm alive, because I'm happy.  They try to be nice, but deep down I think they want things to be my fault so that I can be blamed for the way things have turned out.  It saves them from having to take the blame themselves.  And deep down they know it's not my fault, which I think makes them even angrier.  

It's hard to know what to do in that situation.  A part of me wants to be the bringer of good news, the source of hope, but I've done that before with some people and it just doesn't work.  Some people are melancholic by nature and always see the darker side of the moon instead of what the sun shines on.  I've found that it's not up to me to change the dismal outlook.  It's up to the person who holds it, and unless they really want to change, they won't.  

In some cases they stay melancholic so that the sunny-minded person will stay and try to 'fix' them.  I used to be that person.  I still am in some ways.  The only difference now is that I just don't have time to deal with such foolishness.  I don't have time to be liked and then hated and then liked again, but then be prey to anger when deep down the person really wants me to stay.  That's absolute foolishness.  I sometimes wish they would come right out and tell me what they want so I can say yes or no and move on with life.  It would make things so much easier, although I must admit that moving on with life isn't that great a challenge now concerning people like this.

Alright, I should go really go check on my vinegar-coated bathroom.  It smells a little like Easter here.

- Arty