artykins

Bloom

Just bloom

Lie in wait
The winter of your long, lonely life
Only to be coaxed from sleep
By that one ray

That one sunshine

Only it isn't sunshine
What you think is warmth

Isn't

I am not sunshine
I am not a cloudy day
I am not the one

And it's not my fault

You placed yourself in this soil
This earth

All on your own

You belong somewhere else
And I belong here
In my patch of dark, rich, fragrant earth 
Nurtured by my perfect placement
Kept by my perfect circumstance

Held by my perfect love

This sonnet is for him
The one who tends to me when I'm sick

The one who lifts up my eyes to sunshine
True sunshine

My earth is not yours

It is mine

And it is his

Not yours

My foundation is strong
And my roots go deep

My blood is not shared
Except with him
Whom I have chosen
Whom I would choose all over again
Every day of my life

You don't seem to understand this

And really, why should you

Perhaps I expect too much of you
Perhaps I expect understanding where there can be none

So I bloom
And you wither

You wither because you think me to be sunshine
When really I am only shade

You look to me for sustenance
Yet I can give you none

I will give you none

I have grown into a mature tree
And my branches are taking your sunlight
But it's not malicious

It just is

You just put yourself in the darkest corner of earth
Where it's damp
Where nothing can grow
Where your roots will wither and die

And you stay there
Stupidly thinking tomorrow will be better
That tomorrow with be different

And each day you die a little more

Any semblance of hope for your future dies a little more

And I urge you to move
To uproot yourself and forget the damp darkness
The hostile earth you've chosen

Unlike you, I understand
I realize that it's better to look towards the unknown future
Than to linger in the past

I will never be more beautiful than I was
At least not to you

That part of me isn't for you
That beauty unfolds in time that isn't yours

So it is that I look to the future
Forget the past
Forgive the weakness of considered choices

Bad choices

Continuing bad choices

Remember only when I look at the knots in my life
The ones that have made me stronger and taller now 

Attend to no more 

I have entered into my springtime